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The Percy Says Column

Ladies, Please Start Loving Yourself More

Loving Yourself More: Being a young black man, I know plenty of beautiful black women who are very confident in their appearance. At the same time, many tend to be just a bit self-conscious. To me, this is very puzzling.

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Loving Yourself More: Being a young black man, I know plenty of beautiful black women who are very confident in their appearance. At the same time, many tend to be just a bit self-conscious. To me, this is very puzzling. Why would a beautiful dark skin black woman with flawless skin and a gorgeous smile feel that she is not seen by women with lighter skin tones? Why does a woman who is a size 12, not overweight, but just kind of thick (in the right places), feel like she needs to lose weight and tone down her curves? Why is interracial dating such a sensitive topic for black women when it concerns black men going to different races?

I hear it all the time. A woman with a dark complexion complaining about men of her race only goes for women with light skin and straight hair. Then you have the beautiful big women saying that men only want skinny women. At the same time, the slim figured women complain that the media causes men only to like women with waistlines but unrealistic measurements regarding their breasts and rear-ends. You also have black women saying that black men all want white women, and white women who date black men say that black men are afraid to approach them because of what black women think. While these assumptions might be valid in some cases, I can’t help but think it is slightly absurd. Most people blame the media for making women have this mindset and making a specific type of woman seem famous and more beautiful, not because she looks better, but simply because she looks a certain way.

Women should ignore what the media say is beautiful but focus more on the features that make them beautiful and unique. For example, if you are a dark woman, you shouldn’t feel like you are missing out because light skin is in, but instead realize that even though you might not have naturally curly or straight hair, bright colored eyes, and fair complexion, you might still have those gorgeous eyes that just glimmer in the light, clear, beautiful skin that is soft and smooth and that flawless smile that lights up the room! So ladies, “love yourself because we sure do love you.” Know just how beautiful you are, and don’t focus on what the media says is beautiful but what you think is gorgeous.

 

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The Percy Says Column

Gay Vs. Straight: Unveiling The Complexities of Straight Men Marrying For Federal Benefits

Straight Men Marrying For Federal Benefits – Marriage has traditionally been seen as a union between a man and a woman who share love and commitment. But to be cynical, marriage can also be seen as a business contract—uniting families, specifically wealthy families and people looking to gain upward mobility. However, an emerging trend has caught attention—straight men marrying for federal benefits.

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Straight Men Marrying For Federal Benefits: Marriage has traditionally been seen as a union between a man and a woman who share love and commitment. But to be cynical, marriage can also be seen as a business contract—uniting families, specifically wealthy families and people looking to gain upward mobility. However, an emerging trend has caught attention—straight men marrying for federal benefits.

The motivations behind straight men marrying for federal benefits are multifaceted. One key reason is the financial advantages it offers. By entering into a legal marriage, individuals can gain access to a range of benefits, such as healthcare coverage, tax benefits, social security benefits, and more. In some cases, these benefits can provide crucial support and stability, particularly in countries where social safety nets are limited.

Another significant factor is the desire to protect one’s loved ones. Straight men may choose to marry for federal benefits to ensure that their partner or family members are legally entitled to benefits and protections. This may be particularly relevant in situations where same-sex relationships are not recognized or where legal frameworks still do not fully accommodate diverse family structures.

While some argue that individuals marrying for federal benefits exploit legal loopholes, it’s essential to understand the legal context surrounding these marriages. In many jurisdictions, marriage is legally defined as a union between consenting adults, without specifying gender. As a result, straight men marrying for federal benefits may be acting within the boundaries of the law.

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However, ethical concerns do arise. Critics argue that such marriages may undermine the institution of marriage, devaluing the emotional and commitment-based foundation on which it traditionally stands. Additionally, there is concern that these marriages divert resources meant for those in genuine need, potentially straining the resources available for social welfare programs.

The rise of straight men marrying for federal benefits reflects larger societal shifts, including evolving attitudes towards marriage, family structures, and gender roles. It highlights the gaps and limitations within existing legal frameworks and social welfare systems, inviting discussions on equality, inclusivity, and the reevaluation of marriage as an institution.

Furthermore, this trend may inadvertently contribute to the ongoing struggles faced by LGBTQ+ individuals seeking recognition and equal rights. It can reinforce the perception that marriage is primarily a legal and financial arrangement, potentially overshadowing the importance of marriage as a celebration of love and commitment.

The phenomenon of straight men marrying for federal benefits shines a light on the complexities within the realms of marriage, legality, and societal norms. While financial incentives and the desire to protect loved ones drive some individuals, ethical concerns and potential repercussions on marriage as an institution cannot be ignored. As societies continue to evolve, it is essential to engage in thoughtful conversations that balance legal considerations, social justice, and the diverse needs of individuals and families in order to create a more inclusive and equitable future.

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Contributor: AJ

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Gay Vs. Straight Part 3: Embracing the Femininity of Gay Men

Gay Vs. Straight: In a society that often perpetuates rigid gender norms, it is crucial to challenge stereotypes and embrace the diverse expressions of masculinity and femininity.

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Gay Vs. Straight: In a society that often perpetuates rigid gender norms, it is crucial to challenge stereotypes and embrace the diverse expressions of masculinity and femininity. As a straight man, I have come to appreciate and admire the femininity of gay men, recognizing the beauty and strength that it brings to the tapestry of human identity.

First and foremost, it is important to recognize that femininity is not exclusive to any gender or sexual orientation. It is a spectrum that transcends societal expectations and embraces the full range of human expression. When gay men embrace their femininity, they are not deviating from their true selves, but rather embracing an integral part of their identity.

The femininity of gay men is often characterized by traits such as emotional intelligence, empathy, and a heightened sense of aesthetics. These qualities enrich their relationships and interactions with others, creating spaces of compassion, understanding, and artistic expression. The ability to tap into emotions, communicate openly, and appreciate beauty are attributes that should be celebrated and valued by society as a whole.

Moreover, the femininity of gay men challenges traditional notions of masculinity and offers an alternative perspective that encourages inclusivity and acceptance. By embracing their femininity, gay men break free from the constraints of societal expectations and demonstrate the courage to live authentically. This authenticity inspires others to explore and embrace their own unique identities, fostering a more diverse and compassionate society.

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It is crucial to recognize that femininity in gay men should not be reduced to stereotypes or caricatures. Just as no single straight man embodies the entirety of masculinity, the same applies to gay men and femininity. Each individual has their own unique blend of characteristics, shaped by personal experiences, culture, and personal expression.

When straight men appreciate and embrace the femininity of gay men, it opens the door to greater empathy, understanding, and connection. It encourages us to challenge our own preconceived notions of gender, enabling us to see beyond the surface and recognize the depth and complexity of individuals.

By embracing the femininity of gay men, we foster a society that values and celebrates diversity. It paves the way for open-mindedness, respect, and acceptance, which are crucial in building a more inclusive and equitable world.

As a straight man, I have learned that embracing and appreciating the femininity of gay men is not about emulation or imitation, but about celebrating the richness of human expression. It is an opportunity to learn from one another, challenge stereotypes, and break down the barriers that hinder understanding and acceptance.

In conclusion, the femininity of gay men is a powerful aspect of their identity that should be acknowledged, respected, and celebrated. By appreciating their unique expression and recognizing the strength it brings to our society, we foster inclusivity, challenge gender stereotypes, and create a more compassionate and accepting world for all. Let us embrace the diverse expressions of masculinity and femininity, allowing everyone to live authentically and contribute to the vibrant tapestry of human experience.

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Contributor: AJ

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Gay Vs. Straight Part 1: Is It Really That Serious?

From 1980 through 2010, the slogan was “We’re here. We’re queer! GET USED TO IT!” And in 2012, some straight people might have slogans like “They’re here. They’re queer. GET THE HELL OUT!”

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Gay Vs. Straight: Back in the old days, gays were probably looked down upon almost as nasty as black people were. But years later, America, or the world at large, gained a lot more tolerance for sexual diversity as time went on.

From 1980 through 2010, the slogan was “We’re here. We’re queer! GET USED TO IT!” And in 2012, some straight people might have slogans like “They’re here. They’re queer. GET THE HELL OUT!” or “They’re here. They’re queer. Now in 2023, who cares, right?!” “There are more gay, bi-sexual, pansexual, and just plain made-up sexual labels running rampant now more than ever before.” And while we might have people who accept the gay and lesbian community, some still fear them. In a way, this fear and hatred seem just too irrational.

 We have all heard at least one guy say, “Aye man, I don’t like those damn faggots, man! They might try to come after me!” or “I don’t care what you do, just don’t run up on me like that!” Now in all seriousness, think about the types of guys who are usually quick to blurt those statements out in public at any given time. Now, when have you seen gay men go after the forty-year-old guy who still rocks cornrows and wears throwback jerseys? Have you ever seen a gay man say, “To hell with Brad Pitt and Idris Elba? You see that old white guy who looks like he’s in his 50s with a beer belly, spitting tobacco juice into a water bottle? OH MY GOD! Gimme a piece of that to go!”

Chances are, no, you have not heard of that. So why are the men who are good-looking and handsome really not open about their dislike for gay men, but these types of guys are always paranoid about some man wanting to get a piece of their chocolate? Women aren’t much better. How often do you hear women, especially black women, say, “That dike bitch better not come at me with that!” Now I’m willing to bet that the female who said that wasn’t the sexy girl next door from the hood that all the dudes wanted anyway (think about the sexy Nia Long in “Friday” or Lauren London’s character in the movie “ATL”). I’m willing to bet my money that the woman who instantly says this about every lesbian they see is probably that hood chick who either has at least 3 kids, allegedly had that “burner,” or is just the chick that nobody wants in the hood anyway because of her acts of being thirsty. I find this funny because I know plenty of handsome Playboy-type men and absolutely gorgeous women who don’t have this irrational fear of having a gay or lesbian hit on them at any moment. I think I’m a handsome man (because my mommy told me), but I don’t just get super uncomfortable whenever I’m around a homosexual and instantly approach saying, “Just so you know, buddy, I ain’t on your team. I’M STRAIGHT; YOU GOT THAT QUEER?!” So tell me, why are so many of these people so scared that someone around them might be gay? Maybe because they have feelings that they aren’t so quick to blurt out in public? My father once told me: “The only time someone is scared of a dog is when they plan on letting that dog get close enough to bite.” Now just take a second to think about that.

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Contributor: Chris Mobley

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Gay Vs. Straight Part 2: DL, Really?

Even actors, rappers, athletes, and politicians are in the closet and choose not to come out. Instead, they live through casual encounters through the local gyms, the barber shops, specially invited parties, local restaurants, album/single release parties, video shoots, studio sessions, VIP events, boy’s trips, fishing trips, out-of-town sporting events, escorts, masseurs, and NDA rendezvous out of the country.

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Gay Vs. Straight: “The only time someone is scared of a dog is when they plan on getting close enough for it to bite.” That was one of the last lines of the previous Gay vs. Straight article. Hopefully, you have had enough time to consider it since reading it. If so, you should get the idea that I was talking about people on the DL or “the down low.” The last Gay vs. Straight article talks about how homophobic people usually have very irrational fears and hatred towards homosexuals. Maybe these same people might be worried about being around homosexuals or lesbians because it may bring out the desires they have been harboring all along.

Being on the DL is nothing new to the world. It may be shocking to find out that the guy you look at as the major player or the tough guy is on the down low. But it is no secret that many men and women are in the closet. The main question is, why are these people in the closet? It seems like acceptance for the LBGT+ community is at the highest point it has ever been, so why do most people, mainly African American men, choose to remain on the down-low? Maybe it’s because of how they were raised. Perhaps it’s because black men want to be seen as ultra-masculine, and they feel that coming out would cause their family and friends to think otherwise. I have heard of many cases where men with the “tough guy” or “player” type reputations were the main ones who participated in private homosexual acts.

In most cases, it’s simply just false rumors and gossip. Other times, it’s someone who participated in the act with said homophobe, who “let the cat out of the bag.” There have even been times when openly gay people accuse straight men of coming on to them and solicit a pack where they promise to condone the act as long as it’s kept quiet. If it came down to one openly gay person saying this, it could be written off as a possible lie, but usually, it’s more than one person telling the same story. When you put two and two together, most of the time, there’s some truth hidden in the accusation. Maybe that is why these same people seem to tend not to have a severe problem with gays and lesbians until they realize one of them is in their midst. Maybe they are guilty of hiding in the closet and fear being “outed” by them.

Is it a coincidence that most men accused of being on the DL spent some time in prison? Although not every man who goes to jail performs homosexual acts, some do. Some even incorporate that lifestyle into their everyday life once released from prison. These men remain in the closet once they are back on the streets because they want to maintain the persona of being straight and not risk damaging the perception of who they are in the real world.

Since when are being outed and remaining on the DL the only two choices for living an alternative lifestyle? Why can’t men and women simply walk out of the closet instead of being pushed out? Even actors, rappers, athletes, and politicians are in the closet and choose not to come out. Instead, they live through casual encounters through the local gyms, the barber shops, specially invited parties, local restaurants, album/single release parties, video shoots, studio sessions, VIP events, boy’s trips, fishing trips, out-of-town sporting events, escorts, masseurs, and NDA rendezvous out of the country. Some even maintain the appearance of a straight life with “a paid wife for the gay guy” (also known as a beard); all the while, they frequent undisclosed parties where men of the same caliber and sex frequent for a good time. That is somewhat shocking since Carl Nassib, Tyler the Creator, and Neil Patrick Harris are famous stars who emerged as openly gay/bisexual people while keeping their careers. Ironically, even though he is openly gay, Neil Patrick Harris usually gets cast in straight male roles. Then again, those celebrities are white or seem non-threatening, and the white population is more accepting and tolerant of the good gays and non-threatening black men.

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On the other hand, Black people do not. Instead, we somewhat mask who we are and pretend we’re someone else while lurking in the dark with people of the same sex. I commend Frank Ocean and Jaden Smith for having the balls to live in their truth of being gay or just not deciding but loving on whoever they want to. When you think of it, Frank and Jayden have more balls than any straight guy I know. You gotta have some big kahunas to be a man, a rapper, black, and come out just before the release of your first album. Now that’s balls, and that is a man I can respect.

No matter how much support the LBGT+ community gets, people will always be uncomfortable with who they are and choose to stay in the closet. It could be a teenager who wants to wait until he/she goes away to a college to be themselves. It could be a single woman who is bisexual, but not many people know about it. Sometimes it might not be a case of someone being innocent and just waiting for the right moment to come out. It could be a man who frequently cheats on his wife with men, risking heartbreak, and diseases his wife, because he doesn’t wrap it up. Either way, living a double life must be complicated and sometimes damn stressful because you’re living for others. But we all have choices, and some may think of those who remain in the closet as cowards. Maybe one day, society will become more tolerant and accepting of the gay community, and people shouldn’t have to choose who they are and what they like. People won’t have to spend their lives hiding in a miserable shell. I’m just saying!

Read Gay Vs. Straight Part 1

Contributor: A.J.

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