How many times have you been let down by someone you considered to be a friend? Were you the initiator and when was it that you proclaimed your friendship? Do you normally create friendships through loose behaviors or ideals? Was this particular friendship out of convenience or was it something you didn’t give a second thought to?
“Break-Up To Make-Up: A Play Friendship” is about a personal friendship I had with a young lady by the initials D.H. While some people categorize a friendship with one definition, I tend to put people in many categories of friendships. My friendship categories consist of “a true friend” being someone who is there for you through thick and thin, may sometimes help you out and never ask for anything in return, never throw things back in your face or tell other people about what they have done for you. Then, there’s the “buddy” friendship which you can take or leave, it may present some normalcy or value in your life, but for all intense and purposes, you could leave it. Last, but not lease, there’s the “associate” friendship, which is a “love them, but leave them” type of friendship. When you’re around this person, everything is cool and dandy, but when you leave them, it’s like they don’t exist.
Now that you’ve read my many definitions of friendship, D.H. was between the latter two. Our initial introduction was by a known acquaintance and I met her my first year in Atlanta. Having known her for over 15 years now, the majority of that time, It was just a hit and miss type of relationship. However, we began hanging out pretty strong between 2006 and 2008. All-the-while, I never really gave thought to what type of friendship I was dealing with. The person that introduced me to her have always told me what kind of personality I was dealing with, but it never affected me one way or the other because I never considered our friendship to be the kind I couldn’t live without.
One evening, in late 2009, she called me and said that she was going to move back to New York, because things weren’t going the way she wanted it here in Atlanta. She was also moving because of a not so good personal relationship with her boyfriend who wasn’t making any money. I knew the reason she was telling me this was because she wanted to move in with me. In all honesty I didn’t want to see her having to move way back to NY just because she was having money problems. All of us were having money problems then, but I had a huge 5 bedroom home and it was just me. The spirituality in me said “help when someone is in need” and the Jamaican in me said “you were raised to show kindness to others who are less fortunate.”
One mind said help and the other was like, “you know you can’t really live with people, you guys aren’t true friends and to look at her situation and what others have said about her.” Against my better judgment however, I decided to let her move in rent free for 90 days to help her get on her feet. I further said, you do have to pay utilities because I wasn’t working a regular job and didn’t need a dependent.
To make a long story short, this was the third worst mistake I made while living in Atlanta. The first was allowing another so-called friend to move in because he too was getting evicted from his apartment. Because of him, I don’t talk to a family member now, he crashed my Yukon and still owes me $1500 for damages to my house. That same year another friend needed to come stay with me as well because he had gotten shot in the head by a neighbor and needed to hide out, after getting out the hospital. Another guy needed a place to live and I gave him the same 90 day help and he left me with high utility bills and stop speaking to me because He had to leave.
So I don’t run on and on, I’ll get back to the situation with D.H. A long story short, she ended up staying with me for 6 months rent free instead of 90 days and fell out with me because she had to leave, finally. After moving out, she left her personal things piled up in my garage promising to get them with no follow-through. Finally, I text her and left a message on her Facebook to come get her things or I would throw them out. She hurried over to pick through what she wanted and said she would get the rest the following week, which lasted for another 3 months. Finally, I asked her for the 4th time to come get her things or I would throw them out, which I did. She got an attitude with me, portrayed to others how I was the worst and stop speaking to me.
Am I just a softy who like letting people take advantage of me or am I just an enabler? Why do people blame you for their b.s. when you finally say enough is enough? Why do they talk about you behind your back because you had to put your foot down after their lack of commitment? Should there be some gratitude given or appreciation shown to me for helping D.H. out? Would you have done what I did for her?
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Copyright 2012 USL Magazine